This Blog Keeps Changing on Me.

It has been crazy trying to keep up with this blog as it seems every time I open it up it is a different set up. Oh well, I guess that is technology advancement.

I have had a scare the last few days. I had a terrible burning sensation in my stomach and right side that felt like it was in the skin when I pushed one way and deeper when I pushed another way. It started Sunday night and I also had a real deep pain in my lower back. Well, you can imagine all the things that went thru my mind. Turns out, I hope, that I was wearing a new dress shirt that Patti had sent to the cleaners to have starched to get out all of the wrinkles from being embroidered with our company name and logo. Somehow I have become allergic to the starch or their cleaning soap or something. I took off my shirt and undershirt last night after plowing snow all day to find what looked like poison ivy in the areas that were burning and itching all day. Today it was even worse, but mentally I could pass it off. I have never had poison ivy as I am not allergic to it. I think it is a trade off with my bee allergy. Hopefully it will do away soon.

I was able to plow most of my neighbors drives, my sons drive, the office twice, Clarence and Barb's and my own drive (three times). I count it a blessing because last year at this time we were in the middle of the radiation treatments and wondering how long I had and if I would ever see another year. Funny how little things like shoveling and plowing snow can be a blessing. The grandson's helped to riding in the truck and shoveling with me. We got to my house at about 8:30 so we could all have some ice cream. I cannot tell you the wonderful feelings I had just sitting there with the four boys eating an M&M ice cream bar. A year ago I never would have thought something so small could be so precious. I remember thinking not to get so close to my granddaughter because she would never have remember me if I didn't make it. Well now, I have it in my heart, mind and body to be there when she graduates school, get married and makes me a great-grandfather. (not that I want to rush things) (oh yeah, the boys already think I am a great-grandfather and that is more than enough reason to stay around) Thank you God for a second chance.

Less than diligent

I have been less than diligent in my updating of this blog. I am working and getting on with my life "living with cancer but not dying from cancer" that I forget about the blog for awhile, then something happens to spark me back to the blog. My mother in law had eye surgery yesterday and seeing her last night with Patti taking care of her brought back a lot of memories. Actually a flood of emotions as to what it was like a year ago on the radiation. I vow never again to receive treatments that are worse than the disease. Now that is not saying I will not have surgeries, but radiation and chemo of any sort are out of the question for me. I add the "for me" because you are not me and I am not you. I just know what I will do or not do.

I would ask that if you are reading this, pray for me as I seem to have aches and pains that spark my "what if" mode and then I go back to living my life. I guess aches and pains are part of everyday life, but when you have had cancer, it puts a whole different light on them. Sometimes I will admit, it scares me. Then I remember I put it into God's hands, and it eases my mind. Now granted, sometimes that happens many times in a day, but I do believe it always is there to bring me around to prayer.

Well, stay warm out there. The computer says it is -13 degrees. Leaving now for work (yes I have to work, but I like work) and Patti has left to help her mom and get her to the eye doctor to check her eye. I hope and pray everything is alright. Her mom took off the bandages and protective covering last night and washed her eye. Not a very smart thing to do. Pray for her.

2009

As the new year starts, I think back on 2008 and the many blessings, opportunities and trials that I as well as my family were a part of. Blessings came in the form of a new granddaughter, grandsons growing and staying strong, kids now taking on more as grown adults, and health for Patti and me.

The year started out rough with January 2nd being doctors getting ready for skin surgeries and six weeks of radiation. Then more operations and then the interferon. It started still being sore and limited on movement from the previous surgeries. It still is sore today, more than a year later but improving. Sometimes I wish, like this morning, that I would remember to get out of bed in a different way that didn't start my day off with such pain. I could roll the other way, but then the pain would be from the fall to the floor. I know that the mornings start off with pain but it subsides as I do things physical. They probably wonder at work why I work in the warehouse whenever I can. The physical activity actually decreases the pain. The other thing that hope to remember this year is how to get dressed and undressed. Pull over shirts and taking off regular shirts or jackets if not done right causes all sorts of pain. Now saying all that, I notice that more of the area has been getting feeling back. It was strangely wonderful this morning when I actually had an itch on the top of my shoulder. Even the pats on the back and the grabbing of my arm are giving me less pain. Not sure if it will ever all go away, but it has improved.

This year my resolution is to make sure that the little things as well as the big things are important and worth my time. But even more important, I will stop to enjoy the small things more. Those things I have little or no control over will not occupy my time.

This blog in 2008 helped me tell people what was going on and how I felt with my cancer. Well, I will continue to use it in 2009 to tell people what I am doing and how I am feeling "living with cancer, not dying from cancer." I may have cancer occur again or some other health problem possibly, but I have resolved never to let it rob me of my life. There is so much more to life and only God will end my days here.

Have a great New Year and enjoy every day of 2009.