Fear

Things did not go the way I planned them today. Patti took Steve to the airport for his trip to meet up with his army buddies from Iraq in Calgary, Canada. He got off on time. I went to the radiation treatments by myself this morning and everything went well there. The problem today was I was just so tired. I returned home and nearly fell asleep eating breakfast. The day was then a struggle to stay awake. Caleb, Micah and Heather came over and I could not stay awake while trying to work with the boys on their school work. (Heather is home schooling them) I slept off and on until 1:15. I went to the office to sign tax returns for the business and to work on the bunk beds. Got some more done on them and hope to have them constructed and ready for finishing by Saturday. I know yesterday overdid my strength. Sometimes I run smack into a wall it seems like when there is too much to do. We had the radiation, then stitches removed, got home after 1, ate, crashed for an hour and a half, got up, ate again, then went to the mall for a half hour of walking. The wall hit at 20 minutes and I could barely make it out of the mall. Slept well, but woke with the wall again this morning.

The Fear that I entitled this is for this reason. Maybe some of you out there with cancer or who have had it experienced something in the same realm. Every ache, every pain, a cough, a sore muscle, a headache, is it CANCER? I notice the more I am tired, the more I think this. I have to remind myself that my back does hurt when I spend a couple hours on my feet working in the shop. I have to remind myself that I did have aches, pains, sore muscles, headaches and a cough long before I had the cancer. Right now I have no evidence of the cancer anywhere in my body. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I also must keep reminding myself I am an individual, not a statistic. For those of you who have or are facing similar circumstances, you can probably relate. Those of you who have not probably find this possibly silly or worry over nothing. I really feel that "living with cancer" is much harder than "dying from cancer." May be a hard thing for people to understand unless your are there or been there.

I thank God today that I have 10 more radiation treatments to go. I thank God for the month or so ahead that I will not be facing surgery or being sick from treatments. I thank God today and everyday for his Son, Jesus Christ and the redemption that he gave us. We only have to trust in the Lord and have a personal relationship with him.